Friends are like family. Especially friends that have the same faith as you. So it can be devastating when a friend leaves the faith they once represented. On today’s episode, we will talking about how to deal with it, including how to walk with friends that are “deconstructing”.

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www.withtheperrys.com www.jackiehillperry.com
www.preston-perry.com

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43 COMMENTS

  1. Some people who are deconstructing are doing study, prayer and research finding out that what they believe is mostly the doctrines of men that have been taught as pure biblical doctrine.

  2. I don't think you're a true Christian if you didn't ever walk away, questioning your faith. This life is HARD with a lot of decisions to make, everyday. Whether you leave or stay, God is always there to work with us throughout the entire journey. No one is perfect and God understands this. Those 'Christians' who judge us or just going to church because they have a checklist.

  3. The trouble is when they walk away from God and then put God down to you, attack you in general, gossip about you behind your back, and have underlying schemes against you. Personally, I walked away from them.

  4. Compassion and Accountability and Choices for those who turn…..It definitely takes some discernment when talking about this. As a Christian for a long time the longer I live and the hellish life becomes without support, family, and feeling like u belong…I can see how one csn walk away yet if truly saved God bothers you to even more misery it seems

  5. I just want to feel happy and truly joyful with my life. How do you even achieve that? Not riches, not corporate ladder, not acceptance by the right crowd….No, I just want to be content and joy filled and feel like I am living

  6. I’m just now watching this. And I am still new in my understanding. But as I came to about 27 minutes into you video, something made me think of the parable in Luke 15 about the prodigal son. I had to pause your video and read about it again to refresh my memory. But it feels as if it goes well with this topic.

  7. From someone who has run from God a lot: Repentance equals freedom and the best thing you can do for your loved ones IS love them and pray for them. Don't justify their sin, just love them and gently guide them out of darkness into God again. They will thank you for it. They really will.

    This video is Good stuff 🙏🏻

    Jesus said our greatest commandment is love, and if with that our heart is full– that's the greatest walk we can walk for people.

  8. God bless you all This is about the parable of the sower.. how do I sow in my workplace when even the way I live and read my bible offends most people, but these are people of world who God will judge , so I still want to be impactful a light set on a hill cannot be hid how do I "preach , minister, sow the Good news to crowd that is easily offend by His name?

  9. Y’all are great and forgive me for at times judging y’all. I think when someone leaves the faith there is definitely hurt. Why hurt? Because we know the end. Just like in Jude we want to rescue them even when they’re in the mist of fire. Like it’s urgent! I think other wise is prideful. But y’all are awesome. Love y’all. Praying for wisdom for y’all. ❤️❤️

  10. I left the church community and chose to live in sin for 6 years, behind all my excuses of racism in the Church, church hurt, confusion with multiple denominations and theologies, and difficulty find a wife was a hidden heart that had been deceived that my old lifestyle was better. I wanted to go back into the world and sleep around again. I needed Christians to aggressively pursue me and a deeply appreciated when they did. I ran from conviction as long as I could, until God drug me back home.

  11. I listened to a video by Bishop Carlton Pearson today and was flabbergasted. I hope and pray he repents and turn back. His new teachings are terrifying and when I think about him still ministering and teaching it frightens me for those who follow him. It is scary to know that one can grow up around, go to theology school, be a bishop and the president of a seminary and still walk away!! Lord help us.

  12. 11:3012:00 . . . I mean 1 John 2: 19 – 20 technically says that 🤷‍♀️

    "These people left our churches, but they never really belonged with us; otherwise they would have stayed with us. When they left, it proved that they did not belong with us. But you are not like that, for the Holy One has given you his Spirit, and all of you know the truth. So I am writing to you not because you don’t know the truth but because you know the difference between truth and lies."

  13. As a person who no longer is Christian, I see the grace and understanding you two have. But also, some of the points are not quite hitting the root of it all. But I understand this isn’t an unbiased POV, because of the lens you look at life is from your faith, and that’s okay.

    I don’t think there’s a right way to deconstruct. As someone who did for years. If you want to believe something, you’re going to find any way to believe it. I think it’s scary for a lot of people to ask questions and do it in an unbiased way. Not in a way to still believe, or in a way to not believe… just genuinely searching. Even tho, I went into it looking for a reason to believe.

    When it comes to Christian’s who are trying to navigate connections with people who chose to no longer be Christian, it’s not only the language it’s the sheer fact that they believe their way is the only way and the ultimate truth and everything else is wrong. If my old friends really believe I’m being led astray because of [insert whatever reason they try to ponder on or search my life about] I don’t think that connection can thrive because opposing views and them inherently seeing me as a tragedy and leading conversations consciously or subconsciously with their very specific views of life and people. I think it takes a lot of emotional intelligence and an unbiased stance for a lot Christian’s to still see them as full people. Not lost, not damned, not someone who may return. Just full people who are capable of living a full beautiful life.

  14. First, thank you both for approaching this with so much grace. I've been here mentally…emotionally dealing with trauma. I knew in my heart I didnt want to denounce faith because I didnt want to denounce Christ. For me it was unthinkable and I struggled emotionally because my longing was for God. I couldnt imagine a life without Him or an eternity without God, it's like having no oxygen and that was the physical response I was having to the idea and wanting to do away with great emotional pain. Honestly, I realized it wasnt God I wanted to walk away from, it was the church. I didnt feel i belonged in the world, but I also felt no support from the church. I asked God would He understand because emotionally I just wasnt willing to subject myself to people I honestly felt were perpetuating the emotional pain I was experiencing. Not blaming, I just wasnt receptive of the language, approach to a situation they did not see fully but judged and blamed me. It added to the pain that I couldnt hear because I was trying to survive both mentally, emotionally and physically. I was going through something very public and people not understanding that I was being violated. At times I hid God in my heart in an effort to remove everything that made me vulnerable from the touch and view of the public. Other times I couldnt help but be vulnerable and lean on God, but I didnt want people to have such access to me in a way that I couldnt control…in a way that allowed them constant scrutiny over myself. I couldnt shower for constant anxiety. I thought God I dont know what to do and I just wanted to walk away from people, not just the church altogether. My body had such a physical and emotional response that even well-intended positive people unknowingly of course put me in freeze response and I cant explain the pain I was experiencing bc it was like the absence of oxygen and trying to separate the mind from the body. I still have responses to certain leaders of the church when i hear them, but it's not the word of God itself (Himself). I am able to get to a place where I hear the Spirit and receive. I think because of the trauma there are certain figures I not receptive of the message because they took an approach that to me wasnt in grace or love. Thats why I struggled and I think in my actions not to attend church or read my bible on times end, that that was a way of denouncing my faith. Even in not fully trusting when the Lord gives me instruction bc of that fear response in being vulnerable with people…for fear i might not be able to handle or reenter a trauma response, I believe is lacking faith. And that added to the reason to maybe leave, but I'd pray "God just keep me". Because His love is like no other. His friendship is beyond any other. Ive come to realize that if I just focus on Him and not the trauma ive experienced with people, then I can give the grace and love that is given to me. Because Christ loves and it is God's will that we have that love for one another, my heart is soft for people that God loves and Christ died for (thats all of us). I say I may have not said with my mouth "I denounce Christ" but ive felt in my actions I have walked away, yet He speaks to me and He has never left me in the darkest of places. He has not left me. So I say He is my greatest, sweetest friend. I cant imagine being without God. If I come to that, be it as if I never were born and God wipe Himself from my memory. I think I understand that some leave because of pain or better teaching. I was telling my mum that sometimes love in deed is better than words of conviction in certain situations, but conviction is always always from a place of love, from the Holy Spirit. You can discern when the Holy Spirit is operating or when a person is giving room for the Spirit of Grace to provide encouragement, healing, correction, edification etc. I was nervous at first to watch this last week, but I braced myself. God uses you both and you come from a sincere place of truth and grace and love that draws others in to listen and receive whatever message goes forth. Thank you for your time and for your work in Christ.

  15. I caught that intro in the spirit!!

    The Dishwasher :
    We all want that quick wash, that I’m sorry. Forgive me Jesus. Hallelujah. Praise the Lord. Meditate. Fast. Pray. Read the word and live life. My faith will sustain me. Faith without works is dead and it’s His grace that empowers us to stand.

    The Wash Wash:
    The rinse/ Repent. The washing/ Be baptized in the name of Jesus. The Inspection, Super Scrub, and Double Rinse/Be filled with the Holy Ghost. This is the cleansing process. However this process of inspect , wipe and rinse must be repeated.
    Life happens in cycles. We all go through changes. Life serves us different dishes. We must endure and we need the Holy Ghost to do that. Without that “soap” we can’t be exposed to the truth that we can do nothing without God!
    His word is the water that purifies us daily. The Holy Ghost reveals not only our stains and imperfections but also our beauty beneath it all.

    In all let’s intercede for one another and love each other with the love of God. Rather that dish sits in the sink out the dishwasher without the cleansing power of the water (word), Holy Ghost (soap), and Jesus (our towel &covering) we won’t make it.

    We are all but filthy rags. Lift and encourage
    One another Always being mindful that grace is for everyone and God’s love can cleanse us all 😇💜🙌🏾 Each of us are a testimony of truth. The dirtier the story, the greater the glory

  16. Towards the end when they have that banter and push and pull over how to deliver the truth to people so far away from the context. Imagine marrying someone with whom you both deeply care about the faith to go at it over nuances in evangelism rather than fighting over other stereotypical things. Just wow. Thank you for always tackling these hard conversations. Love from Kenya

  17. Hi Preston and Jackie, please can you do one one books that didn’t make it into the bible, the history, why, and if we should read them and how? Thanks!

  18. THIS WHOLE THIIING. This convo is so necessary, only the tip of the iceberg. The harvest is plenty, the workers are few. We have to do our best anyhow because folks are out here just lost. 🙏🏽

  19. I love the wisdom in this!!! 🤗🎚Prayer is the first step in love. If you have not prayed for a person constantly enough for you to hear from God on how to maneuver around a person. You should definitely use "HUSH MOUTH GRACE" and yet still walk in love… But I would rather someone blatantly reject the faith, then for someone to pretend they are Christian.. Those are the worst.God did give us the option to choose. He did not make us robots. I like how you brought out the fact that people reveal their lack of trust in God when we play Holy Ghost Jr. By bombarding them with scriptures in a desperate attempt to get them to see the truth. Knowing we haven't prayed!!! God may have a plan that our pea little brains haven't thought of.

  20. Romans 11 really hit me straight to the heart when faced with this. So that truly we would pray for them , pray that we would take heed, pray for the heart of compassion. Praying to keep the unity of the Spirit of peace in our hearts. Amen 🙏

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